Memory Loss and Overflowing Love
Dad is the decisive head of the family—quiet, self-confident, and taking care of everything in the house. In the early stage when Dad began to have Alzheimer’s, the symptoms weren’t very clear. It started with some forgetfulness—asking the same questions repeatedly or repeating the same stories—but the children thought it was normal for an elderly person, because at that time Dad was already 80. We began to seriously feel that something was truly abnormal when Dad said that someone was going to hurt him. No matter how we tried to explain, he couldn’t understand and would get angry, thinking we were on the same side as the people who were going to hurt him.
The daily problem during that period was that things in the house would go missing. I had to act like a detective, trying to find where Dad had put things around the house. As the symptoms worsened, Dad began to neglect self-care—no bathing, no washing his face or brushing his teeth. I had to plead with him: if he wouldn’t bathe, then at least let me wipe him down, or wash his feet instead. Sometimes the negotiation worked, sometimes it didn’t. At night, after Dad fell asleep, I had to secretly remove his dentures to wash and clean them. Once he went 7 days without bathing; no matter how much I begged, he refused. After that, he began to have problems controlling both bowel movements and urination, but he refused to wear adult diapers. Sometimes he soiled himself but wouldn’t wash or clean up. As things got worse, the children and grandchildren had to write his name and phone number on every shirt because our house is next to a main road—Dad could walk out of the house at any time. Dad once went missing. We checked the CCTV footage and saw that he got into a taxi. I called all my siblings to go look for him. It was the most terrifying moment of my life—I thought we were going to lose Dad. My thoughts spiraled like the news stories: that Dad might become homeless, which made me even more afraid. I planned to search around our old neighborhood where we used to live, because I had read that Alzheimer’s patients often return to familiar places. But after a while, a taxi pulled up in front of the house and Dad stepped out. The driver said the passenger told him to just keep driving but couldn’t say where the destination was. In the end, he brought him back to the same place. We were very lucky that Dad wasn’t gone for long.
In the beginning, Mom monopolized Dad’s care—she did everything herself and wouldn’t let anyone else help. At night she had to get up and change his diapers herself. I once begged Mom to take turns sleeping beside Dad, one day each, but she refused because she loved her husband and didn’t want the children to suffer. Because she got so little rest and accumulated stress from caring for Dad, it turned out that now Mom has early-stage Alzheimer’s, plus depression as well. This has made me become the primary caregiver for two patients at the same time.
Caring for a patient is work that requires tremendous physical and emotional energy—you have to deal with the patient’s emotions, the exhaustion from caregiving, and expectations from family members. At first, it felt overwhelmingly heavy. Later, I learned that caregivers must not forget to take care of themselves too. Other family members who are not the primary caregiver should help share the burden, taking turns stepping in from time to time so the caregiver can rest fully and relieve some stress.
At present, with the progression of the disease at age 91, Dad is bedridden. He can’t help himself, can’t speak, and has swallowing problems. Every meal has to be finely blended and fed slowly to prevent choking. Each meal takes at least 1 hour to feed. Dad can still walk a little, but only with someone supporting him, and we have to help him walk every day to prevent muscle wasting. We communicate every day through body language and from the heart. When the grandchildren visit, we teach them to go hug Grandpa and Grandma. Even though today Dad may not remember who is who, I believe he can still sense the love his children and grandchildren have for him. Showing love through hugs, going in to talk with him, gently massaging him, or even just holding his hand helps stimulate awareness and helps prolong the time before the disease worsens too quickly.
Living with an Alzheimer’s patient takes more than just love; it requires deep understanding. As time passes, the patient becomes less and less able to care for themselves. Even though there is someone helping to look after Dad now, as his child and primary caregiver I still have to pay close attention and regularly observe his day-to-day life—such as his mood, how much he eats each day, bowel movements, sleep quality, etc. There was a period when Dad slept a lot during the day, and I noticed wounds on his body. Then I observed at night that he was scratching all night until his skin was abraded and lightly bleeding, because elderly skin structure gradually deteriorates, making it less able to retain moisture. The skin becomes very dry and needs lotion regularly. I normally applied lotion every time after his bath, but the one we used wasn’t rich enough, so it had to be reapplied often. I tried switching to richer lotions, both Thai and international brands, but they were sticky and uncomfortable after application. Dad couldn’t sleep again. I was extremely worried during that time. When I couldn’t find the dream lotion, I decided to try making a lotion formula for dry skin—thick cream texture but fast-absorbing and non-sticky—for Dad to use. After experimenting, I arrived at a formula that kept Dad’s skin from being dry and itchy, so he didn’t scratch until it became wounds, and he could sleep soundly through the night. That allowed him to rest fully, which had a very satisfying positive effect on both his physical and mental health. So I named the lotion “Piti” and brought it to market, with the intention of helping others who face the same problem.
These days, our only goal is for Dad to be able to eat, have bowel movements, and sleep. Just that is already a success every single day.
Story: Pharmacist (Ms.) Rungmit Choonhengphan: Co-founder of Piti
Thank you to Olunla magazine.
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